


gravel to tempo

by merrymegtargaryen



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, Holtzbert - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-08-07 15:44:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7720546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merrymegtargaryen/pseuds/merrymegtargaryen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erin digs her own grave and doesn't know how to dig herself out of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	gravel to tempo

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea kicking around for a few days but was too intimidated to write it down. I always felt like Holtzmann wasn't as silly/flirty in the credits/post-credits scene, and I wanted to explore that. I also felt like she and Erin are super into each other but would never address it unless something happened that MADE them address it, so. Enjoy!

“Erin, this is some of the most advanced research on particle physics I've ever seen,” Beth gushed. “You need to publish this!”

“I'm working on it; just tidying some things up,” Erin said. She hoped Beth wouldn't push the matter; there was no telling how much of their conversation would get out into the press. The two women had been friends in grad school, but as soon as they graduated Beth had shown zero interest in maintaining that friendship. It had hurt, but Erin had moved on; she never held onto friends for very long. Erin had been tempted to ignore Beth's text when she said she was coming to town, but there was a part of Erin who, no matter how successful and self-assured, would always yearn for approval. So instead of ignoring the text, Erin had responded with a text punctuated by exclamation points that she'd love to see her friend again. She briefly told the other ghostbusters that her friend from grad school was visiting but to not make a big deal. She had a feeling Abby suspected Erin and Beth weren't as close as Erin claimed, but the other woman hadn't said anything and neither had Holtzmann or Patty. They'd smiled and waved but given Erin and Beth their space.

“Hey, thanks for giving me the tour; I've been so curious about what goes on in here.” Beth glanced over Erin's shoulder at Holtzmann's lab. “I've been especially curious about your colleague, Dr. Holtzmann.”

Erin swallowed. Oh.

She'd known Beth had ulterior motives, but she'd assumed they were getting-to-see-the-ghostbusters-lab-motives, not get-Holtzmann's-number-motives. Somehow, this hurt Erin more. She'd nursed a dumb crush on Holtzmann for a while but had never said anything; she'd never been with women before, and for all of Holtzmann's flirting she knew it was just the way the other scientist acted. Holtzmann had no interest in inexperienced Erin who could barely stutter out a full sentence around her, whereas Beth...well. Holtzmann would actually be interested in Beth, would eat Chinese with her and have witty conversation with her and then have amazing sex with her. Beth was an attractive woman who didn't stutter or get sweaty, and she definitely had more experience with women. If Beth asked for Holtzmann's number, they would hit it off. At the very least, they'd have sex; at the worst, they'd fall madly in love and Erin would have to see Beth all the time and Holtzmann wouldn't look twice at her. She couldn't let that happen; Holtzmann may not be interested in her but she'd be damned if she was going to let her hook up with another woman, let alone Beth. 

“Oh, our mad scientist?” Erin said with a forced chuckle. “Yeah, she's...something else.”

“What do you mean?” Beth asked, eyes lighting up.

Erin shrugged. “You know, she's insanely smart and we'd be lost without her, of course, but she's...crazy? Doesn't act like a human being, spends all her time buried in engine parts. It's kind of unnerving but we put up with it. Patty even calls her Dr. Frankenstein.” That last part wasn't entirely false, but it sounded bad in this context.

Beth looked disappointed. “She looks so hot on the news.”

“Looks,” Erin stressed.

Beth seemed to take the hint, because she sighed and shrugged. “Oh well. Hey, it was great hanging out, but I've gotta run. Let's grab lunch or something next time I'm in town, yeah?”

“Oh, yeah, of course.” Erin led Beth downstairs, relieved she'd dodged a bullet.

What she didn't see was Holtzmann stripping wires with more force than was necessary. 

.

“It was nice meeting Beth,” Abby said when she came over to Erin's that night. 

“Yeah. She's great.” Erin poured her a glass of wine. “How's life with Kevin?”

“Oh, fine. He's figuring out the toaster.” Abby watched her over the rim of her glass. “Beth didn't stay long.”

Erin tensed. “She had other things on her agenda. And we've been busy, too.”

“True.” Abby swirled the wine in her glass. “But for two old friends, you sure seemed...lackluster? I think is the word?”

“We're not super close,” Erin allowed. 

“Are you even friends?” When Erin didn't immediately respond, Abby sighed. “Erin.”

“I didn't know what to say,” Erin said miserably. “We hadn't talked since grad school and all of a sudden she was coming into town and wanted to hang out and what was I supposed to do?”

“Ignore her,” Abby said. “Do you know how many people I've ignored since we became national news?”

“I'm not like you, Abby, I'm a people-pleaser. I have to make everyone like me.”

“You're a big deal now, Erin, you don't have to please people who treat you like crap.” 

Erin stared down at her glass, pretending she couldn't feel Abby's eyes boring into her. “Well, she's gone now,” she finally mumbled.

“Hmm. Yeah.” Abby sighed. “You know, I'm glad we can do this; I love busting but it's nice to hang out outside of work, just the two of us, you know?”

“Yeah, I do,” Erin agreed, happy for the subject change. “So, tell me about Kevin and the toaster.”

“Are you still interested in him?” Abby asked.

Erin frowned. “What is with the interrogation of my life tonight?”

Abby shrugged. “Just curious.”

“I...wouldn't say no if he wanted to hook up,” Erin allowed. “He's really pretty. But that's it.” She hesitated. “Actually, um, I'm sort of...interested in somebody else now.”

“Really?” Abby's eyes got bigger, as did her smile. “Who?!”

“H-Holtzmann,” Erin squeaked.

Abby beamed. “Of course you are! She's something, isn't she?”

“Um, yeah.” Erin took a sip of wine. “I don't think I want to like, do anything about it though.”

“Erin!”

“I don't think she'd be interested in me,” Erin said quickly. “And I've never dated women before, or even really had serious crushes on women, you know?”

“Well if you're gonna start now, good thing you're starting with Holtzmann.”

“Abby, please don't say anything to her or...do anything,” Erin begged. “Please. This is a lot for me to handle and I just. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all. Especially because she's a colleague and I work with her and I don't want to overthink it or get too...you know?”

Abby sighed. “Yeah, I know, and that's smart...but you two would make an adorable couple.”

“Hmm.” Erin swallowed. “Can we please talk about something else?”

Abby looked disappointed but started talking about her escapades with Kevin and Mike Hat. It was nice of Abby to take in their receptionist, who had apparently been homeless and completely helpless before Abby had gone into full mom mode and insisted he live with her. After all, someone had to look out for the big lug.

.

“Morning, everyone!” Erin said cheerfully when she entered the lab the next day. Abby, Patty, and Kevin returned the greeting, but Holtzmann...didn't. She was scowling down at her work table.

“Everything okay?” Erin asked her, heart thumping as she walked up to the other woman.

“Peachy-keen, jellybean,” Holtzmann said, but she didn't look up and give her customary wink as Erin had been expecting (hoping). 

Erin hovered for another moment before moving away. She really needed to stop being so desperate; Holtzmann had real work to do. She was sure the other woman would bring out her old Holtzmann charm in no time.

She did eventually, but not to Erin. She danced with Abby, sang a made-up song to Patty about what toppings she wanted on her pizza, but didn't so much as smile at Erin. In fact, she didn't even look at the other woman. It hurt Erin, but mostly it scared her. Had she done something wrong? Had Abby told her about her crush and now Holtzmann was disgusted by her? She didn't think Abby would do that, but what other explanation was there for Holtzmann's behavior?

She followed Abby when the other woman went to check on Holtzmann's progress later that evening, but Holtzmann seemed cagey; she didn't even crack any jokes when she told them about the new containment. unit In fact, she didn't seem remotely like her old self until Dr. Gorin wandered over from behind the machine. Holtzmann laughed and smiled at her old mentor, and Erin felt a wildly stupid pang of jealousy. 

“I mean, who even is Rebecca Gorin?” Erin huffed later.

“She's a pioneer in her field, I can't believe you haven't heard of her,” Abby said. “I always knew of her, but actually meeting her...god, it explains so much about Holtzmann.”

“I don't like her,” Erin declared.

Abby rolled her eyes. “Okay.”

.

The ghostbusters spent the next morning holed up in a room at the Mercado, testing for any paranormal activity that may still be going on. It seemed blissfully calm, but they still recorded their time there on tape and on film just in case anything showed up later. Holtzmann made a few cracks on camera but seemed otherwise stoic; the one smile she shot at Erin seemed forced. 

After ordering Chinese for lunch (Benny still gave Abby way too many wontons), Patty hunkered down with headphones and the tape recording to see if they had gotten anything. Abby was also wrapped up in something, so Erin decided to casually wander over to where Holtzmann was tinkering with an invention.

“What's that?” she asked, wincing at how high her voice had gotten.

In reply, Holtzmann showed her how the contraption worked. “I call it the nutcracker.”

“Oh, because it crushes the ghosts,” Erin said, feeling stupid.

“No, it's for walnuts.” Holtzmann opened and closed the nutcracker a few more times.

Erin felt like Holtzmann was pulling her leg and smiled, but the other woman didn't smile back. “Smart.”

Holtzmann gave her a small, forced smile and turned back to her work. Erin didn't know what to do, so as soon as Patty made a sound, she leapt at the distraction. “What's that? You get something?” she asked, walking a little too quickly towards the other woman.

“Yeah.” Patty took off her headphones and looked at her. “What's Zuul?” 

They didn't know. Patty did some research but wasn't coming up with a whole lot. She and Erin decided to hit up the library, leaving Abby and Holtzmann at the lab. Kevin was nowhere to be found, but Abby sighed and said he was probably fine. Probably.

Erin and Patty didn't find a whole lot about Zuul; what they did find kept referring them to texts that weren't in the library. Patty put in several inter-library loan requests and decided to call it a day. Erin, too, headed home; there was no point going back to the lab now. She texted Abby and asked if she wanted to come over her. The other woman responded yes and showed up half an hour later.

“Erin,” she said with a deep frown. “I have to talk to you about something.”

Erin froze. “Is this about Holtzmann?”

Abby nodded. “Yeah.”

Abby was going to tell her that she'd told Holtzmann about her crush, that Holtzmann was not okay with Erin having feelings for her, she just knew it.

“Erin, what you said to Beth the other day...that was unacceptable.”

Erin blinked. “Beth?”

“What you said to Beth about Holtzmann,” Abby clarified. “That she's unnerving? But we put up with her?”

Erin's mouth opened and closed. “I didn't know anyone else heard that,” she sputtered.

“That's not the issue here.” Abby folded her arms over her chest. “Erin, why would you say that about Holtzmann? Especially when you told me you had a crush on her!”

“I wasn't being serious!” Erin said, her voice rising in pitch. “I told a white lie!”

“A white lie?” Abby asked disbelievingly.

Erin swallowed. “You know how Beth...isn't really my friend? How I'm a people-pleaser?”

Abby nodded slowly.

“Well, it turns out that she was just using me to get Holtzmann's number. Or something,” Erin said. “And when I figured it out I knew I had to...to throw her off the trail or something. So I made Holtzmann sound...undesirable because I didn't, you know, want someone else to desire her.”

Abby softened, but only a little. “Erin...I know you have a thing for Holtzmann and she's better off not sleeping with Beth anyway, but what you said really got to Holtz.”

Erin yanked her head back up to look at Abby. “What?!”

“Yeah, she heard every word you said to Beth. She thinks you really don't like her.”

“She has to know I do!” Erin cried. “I said those things because I like her!”

“Yes, but Holtzmann doesn't know that,” Abby said, jumping into mom mode. “She's really hurt, Erin. You need to talk to her.”

Erin felt like crying. “I'm scared to.”

“I'm not doing it for you,” Abby warned. “It won't mean half as much if I tell her. You have to be the one to make this right.”

Erin swallowed back a lump in her throat. “I. Okay. When...?”

“She's still at the lab. It'll just be the two of you,” Abby said.

Erin swallowed again and reached for her jacket. “Okay. I'm going.”

Abby smiled. “That a girl.” She followed Erin outside. “I'll have my phone in case you need moral support.”

“Thanks.” Erin took a deep breath as she set off down the block. It was a straight shot down her street, so she knew Abby would be watching to make sure she didn't chicken out and turn around. By the time she was out of Abby's sight, she was too close to the lab to back down. She turned two corners and ended up straight in front of the lab. Shaking, she unlocked the door and let herself in. There was a clatter upstairs, and Erin took several deep breaths before ascending the stairs. “Holtz?”

The blonde looked up from her soldering in shock. “What are you doing here?”

Erin swallowed. “I wanted to talk to you.”

Holtzmann considered her for a moment before dropping her eyes back to her work, a frown tugging at her lips. “Okay.”

Erin dropped into a chair near the workbench. “Abby told me you heard what I said to Beth.”

“Yeah, you weren't exactly being subtle.” Holtzmann's voice was nasty, and it made Erin feel like crying. 

“You weren't supposed to hear that.”

“Yeah? No shit.” Holtzmann threw down a fission scorch with more force than Erin felt was strictly necessary. 

“No, I mean...I mean what I said wasn't true. At all. I don't think that about you whatsoever.” Erin clenched the seat of the chair, her hands sweaty against the plastic.

Holtzmann still didn't look at her, but her hands paused in their work. “So why did you say it?”

Erin took a deep breath. “Beth and I...aren't friends. We haven't been since grad school, and even then it was...it wasn't friendship. When she asked if she could see the lab I didn't know what to say. I have a really hard time saying no to people. So I didn't say no, and when she showed up it became very clear that the only reason she'd asked to come was so that she could get your number.”

Holtzmann raised her eyebrows beneath her goggles but still didn't look at Erin. “So?”

“So...I badmouthed you because I didn't want her to get your number. Or for her to give you hers.” God, she just wanted Holtzmann to look at her again.

As if hearing her thoughts, Holtzmann looked up. Her eyes seemed to burn into Erin's. “Why not?”  
“Because...because I don't want you to be with her. I don't want you to be with anyone who isn't me,” Erin said in a rush. 

Holtzmann tugged her goggles down so that they hung around her neck. “What?”

Erin looked away. “I'm really into you,” she said quietly. “I have been since...pretty much since I met you. But I'm...me. And you're, you know, you.”

“You are you and I am I,” Holtzmann said slowly. “And that means...what?”

“It means you could never be interested in someone like me,” Erin said in a bitter voice. “I'm not Beth. I'm not pretty or funny or anything, and I'm honestly surprised you haven't laughed in my face yet, because I'm such a los--” She didn't get to finish, because right at that moment Holtzmann strode around the workbench, grabbed Erin's chin, crouched down to her level, and kissed her. Like, really kissed her.

“Dr. Erin Gilbert,” Holtzmann said in a very intense voice when they broke apart. “You are incredible. Like, fifty shades of incredible. You're a fucking catch. Don't think for one second that anyone wouldn't be the luckiest person alive to be with you.”

Erin started to cry. “But I'm--”

Holtzmann kissed her again. “No buts,” she said. “There's a joke in there but I'm not making it to prove to you how serious I am. You are amazing and I have been trying to get in your pants since I first met you.” 

Erin hiccoughed.

“But not just get in your pants,” Holtzmann amended. “I pretty much just want to spend every minute of every day with you, even if it's working or eating cereal or whatever. I'm kind of in love with you.”

Erin started crying harder.

“That's why I got so upset when I heard what you said to Beth,” Holtzmann said, her smile fading. “I thought you saw me as a joke, that I'd made that toast and you didn't care at all.”

“I do care,” Erin wailed. “I care so much!”

Holtzmann smiled again, brushing the tears from Erin's cheeks. “Dr. Gilbert, will you go on a date with me?”

Erin finally calmed down enough to say yes. She went downstairs to blow her nose and drink some water, and when she went back upstairs she kissed Holtzmann as she'd never kissed anyone before.

For several hours.

It was kind of the best.

They walked home together, and when it came time to part ways they kissed for several minutes under the streetlight. Their date was Friday and it was only Tuesday; Erin didn't know how she'd manage until then.  
When she got home, she saw a text from Abby that had been sent a few hours ago.

Everything going okay?

Erin smiled as she typed a reply. Everything is perfect.


End file.
